To my sweet, sweet Kellan….
As you hit the 8 month mark, I look back and realize how time has passed so quickly and I think back to what those first few months were like. You were such a tiny little thing, long and skinny having so much trouble keeping anything you ate down. Those first few months were truly miserable. I went day to day fighting reflux and coping with a miserable baby. Some days I was hopeless, I had no idea how to fix it…some days, I just felt like a failure. I was your mother, and I was supposed to make your time on here on Earth perfect….not days filled with a burning throat and an empty stomach. Whenever I saw some light at the end it was quickly clouded by another trip to the doctor’s office and more meds. I feel like those first few months, those months that a mother is supposed to bond and connect with her new baby, those first few months that are so important to both a mother and her child, were taken from us both because of this thing we call reflux. I still to this day can say I worry about what you and I missed out on, I worry if it will affect the bond we share from now on….I am such a believer in everything happens for a reason. Having faith and knowing that God only gives what he knows we can handle is what keeps me going. Those first few months were given to us together to learn from, to grow from….to mold our bond and our relationship into exactly what it’s supposed to be.
At 8 months old you….
…can crawl, but only a short distance to get what you want….don’t really have a taste for pureed baby food, you would much rather something with substance….can sit yourself up from laying down….pull up on things to stand….can put yourself to sleep (but ONLY after your done playing in your crib with those new talents recently discovered ;)….LOVE LOVE LOVE to be outside….have attended your first Mardi Gras parade (and was quite the trooper might I add, not ONE nap the entire day)….recognize your name when called….can hear the shake of a fresh bottle from the other side of the house!…pretty much have the hang of feeding your self snacks….have started standing…have TWO bottom teeth and are working on the top two….are head over heels for your brothers….and most importantly you are a lover of life and of people, you laugh at almost everything that makes you happy, your big smile and dimples fill the room with warmth and you are everything I could have ever dreamt you’d be <3
As I sit here writing this letter to you I think about what your future holds. As much as I’d like, I would plan it out to my liking but I know that’s not how it works. BUT I can promise you this….you will forever have brothers that love you more than you will know….a childhood filled with so much laughter, so much happiness, so much love….you will grow up with values, values that show you family comes first and that everyone is equal….you will learn to live with an open mind and love with an open heart….and you will always a family here to support you and to love you more than you could ever imagine.
In these short 8 months you have shown me so many things but the most important thing is not to take life for granted. You’ve shown me how quickly it all goes by. I sit here and plan your first birthday with the hope that I didn’t have to. If I could I’d sit here and write your 8 month letter every day, over and over. I know that great things come with passing days. You will get older, as everyone does and I know you will do great things.
I love you to the moon and back,